“Talk it out”.
You’ve heard this advice so many times it has become an unquestioned truth.
But what if following it harms you?
Expressing your feelings does get it out of your system…
And then the feelings return.
What really happens is the more you repeat the story of what happened, the more it becomes your story.
And if it’s a negative story – the more you vent it out, the more that negativity becomes a part of you.
The more it damages you.
Imagine a plastic bottle filled with poison.
Imagine holding the plastic bottle inside a tank full of poison.
You try to squeeze the poison out of the plastic bottle. Yes, the poison rushes out. But as soon as you release the squeeze, more poison floods back in.
You’re back to where you started, except the plastic bottle is a little more damaged.
The squeeze left its mark.
You can squeeze harder next time but the damage to the plastic bottle will only be worse.
So it is with “talking it out”.
You can’t release negativity by putting negativity out there. Negativity will simply flood back into you…
And since you’re giving power to the negativity in the story, it engraves into you.
You are left with a mark.
You need a different approach.
Here’s a surprising question: What if you don’t want to squeeze the negativity out?
Instead of letting it poison you, what if you can transform the negativity into an understanding that empowers you to finally move on?
An understanding that refuels and refreshes you?
Like taking poison and transforming it into water.
And as you transform the negativity into understanding, you transform yourself into a stronger and happier being for the next relationship or challenge in your life.
Don’t understand exactly what I mean? Be patient. It will all become clear as purified water soon.
First we’ll need to travel back in time…to ancient times…
Of course, time traveling has not been invented yet. But in today’s world it sometimes feels like everything else has been.
We are surrounded by so much technology that we are blind to it.
One consequence is that we often confuse technology with progress.
Fixated on our bright displays, we close our eyes to the wisdom in the past.
So when you’re dealing with emotional pain, such as when you’re trying to get over an intimate relationship, you are at the mercy of the Western world’s prescription:
Talk it out, or pop pills in.
The Ancients had a different, better approach. In one word:
The idea is that depending on what life crisis you’re going through, there are certain experiences that you need to undergo to get over it.
For example, to process grief and hurt, a lot of indigenous tribes had what they call “Shadow Work”.
They sang it out.
They danced it out.
They did fire release.
They did meditation.
They did vision questing.
And they did this all through a ceremonial or ritualistic way of pulling their body through their issue and processing what they needed to process.
So which experiences do you need to undergo to free yourself from the emotional chains of a breakup?
Good thing we’re hanging out with the Ancients…
Because turns out, the answer lies in an ancient tool many consider to be the greatest invention in history.
Such a simple tool. Boring, even.
And yet the wheel is used in everything from transportation to computational devices.
Agriculture. Art. Medicine. You name it. Look closely, and you will see virtually every field uses it.
No wonder many experts consider the wheel the greatest human invention ever.
Native Americans understood the power of the wheel.
Not just physical power.
They used a tool called the MEDICINE WHEEL which metaphorically captured the cycles of life.
This helped them understand the experiences they were going through. Or which experiences they needed to go through.
Which helped them live better and happier lives.
Can the MEDICINE WHEEL help you move on from your breakup or other relationship difficulties?
Oh yes. And much more…
The MEDICINE WHEEL will help orient and guide you as you face any life problem.
And it’ll ensure you are constantly growing and strengthening and improving as you journey through life.
Ready for it?
THE MEDICINE WHEEL is made up of 4 phases in each cycle:
Each cycle phase corresponds to a direction and element.
Look at the MEDICINE WHEEL again…
Spend some time looking at it. Allow your brain to absorb it.
Note that the MEDICINE WHEEL continuously cycles in a counterclockwise direction.
I’ll walk you through each cycle phase in turn to guarantee you have a solid understanding.
You’ll soon be able to apply the Medicine Wheel tool to get over any emotional pain.
Let’s begin in the, well, beginning…
It surrounds you and yet you can’t see it. And it’s a must for life.
How fitting then that Air is the symbol for the Medicine Wheel’s first phase: Beginning.
Without new beginnings, life would lose its purpose, progress, and passion. In that sense, the Beginning phase is a must for life.
Every time you want to breathe new air into your life, it’s time for a change. A new beginning.
Sometimes it’s obvious when you’re in the Beginning phase, as when you’re starting a new relationship.
Other times you can’t see it. You might be in the same relationship, but maybe the “reset” button has been pressed. A chance to start over. To try a different approach.
Sometimes you enter the next level of a relationship. Move in together. Have a baby.
If you’re constantly having relationship issues (with the same person or different people), reflect on past Beginning phases and ask yourself: is there a repeating pattern?
Perhaps you’ll notice a trend that leads to recurring problems. Something correctable.
But correctable or not, there is no escaping the inevitable struggles…
Full of chaos. It burns you. It blinds you.
Nothing else can beat it as the symbol for the Medicine Wheel’s second phase: Struggling.
Given that you’re reading this page, this is likely the phase you’re in. Or you’ve just been here.
Feeling intensity? You’re in the Struggling phase.
You experienced a breakup. Or you experienced a major conflict or showdown. Or you’re in a space where you’re feeling extremely emotionally vulnerable.
Maybe you’re suffering violence. Or in a danger of a different sort. Maybe you’re in a controlling relationship. Or dealing with an obsessed partner. Maybe you’re obsessed. Or experiencing another fiery emotion.
The breakdown is happening. The pain is difficult. It consumes you.
Being in the intense Struggling phase is like being on a frying pan.
What should you do when you recognize that you’re on a frying pan? You get out of the frying pan!
So your priority should be to move out of the intensity…
Don’t sit and allow the heat of your situation to overwhelm you.
Be resilient. Take action. Get to safety.
The faster, the better.
Maybe you need to leave a home or work situation or just take a break from it all. Maybe you need to get to a quiet space or a friend’s place or another place of support.
Act exactly like you would if there’s a fire in your building…
Just exit. Quickly.
There’s plenty of time for healing later…
The source of vitality. Nourishment. It gives life…sustains life…
And it’s the perfect symbol for the Medicine Wheel’s third phase: Healing.
If you’ve just jumped out of the frying pan, you fell into a heap. You’re still reeling from the chaotic events.
You’re hurting. Weakened.
You need the Healing phase.
The goal of this phase? Restore your physical and mental strength.
In the Healing phase, you must be selfish. You must focus on nourishing yourself.
Allow yourself to surrender. To let go. To heal.
Eat rejuvenating foods.
Engage in pleasurable but healthy hobbies.
Relax. Be still.
Give yourself as much time as necessary to heal. No pressure.
When your body and mind are strengthened, you will be able to rise again.
And – this is important – you will have the energy to understand what happened…
Clear. Essential. It flows through you. Becomes a part of you.
You can understand then why water is the symbol for the Medicine Wheel’s 4th phase: Understanding.
You survived struggling in the North. You healed yourself in the West. Now you are prepared for the final, most critical phase.
So make sure you head South…
…and begin thinking and reflecting on lessons learned.
The goal? To come to an understanding.
By understanding, you evolve.
By evolving, you grow. You improve. You become more resilient.
You move on.
It’s not about understanding or forgiving your ex. (Once again, common advice is wrong.)
This is about you. Understanding yourself. For you.
It’s often through such difficult relationships that we’re forced to deepen our relationship to ourselves. And the greater your challenge, the greater your personal evolvement.
Your feelings after the breakup might be chaotic and painful. Like a natural disaster in your soul…
However, you can choose to make your story one of senseless pain. Or choose to use the pain as a springboard for personal change. This is what allows your soul to rebuild.
Pay attention extra carefully now…
Whatever you do, do NOT skip the Understanding phase!
Skipping this absolutely necessary phase is the biggest mistake I see clients make.
Change the way you see the struggles of your previous relationship, or the previous struggles of your current relationship.
Reframe as follows…
The struggles were not unnecessary pain. They were necessary for new understanding.
Your struggles are a treasure trove of wisdom. Like gold nuggets sitting at the bottom of a river. You only need to dig them out.
So spend quality time reflecting on your struggles.
Integrate the lessons learned.
Open your eyes to the GIFTS of experience & knowledge your current or former partner gave you.
Reap the rewards of these gifts to end this cycle of the Medicine Wheel with a new you…
You won’t need to “talk it out”. There won’t be any poisonous negativity in you.
Instead, you’ll let others know about the positive story that led to a stronger & wiser you.
And with a smile on your face, you’ll look forward to a new beginning…
Remember that the Beginning and Struggling phases are unavoidable. The critical thing is to ensure you go through the Healing and Understanding phases, too.
The Understanding phase is the key. Without it, you will not be prepared for a new beginning. You will not soften the intensity of future struggling.
Please don’t skip it.
The lessons learned during the Understanding phase can be unique to you. Or universal to many.
It’s crucial to be aware of the universal lessons.
These are the most common ones…
The most consequential ones…
The BIGGEST ones.
Life is difficult enough learning your own unique lessons. Why should you experience pain to learn the biggest ones?
I have a free series of emails that teach the 7 BIGGEST Relationship Lessons learned during the Understanding phase.
Learning these 7 biggies will enlighten you and save you time & heartache.
It’s based on my work with hundreds of clients.
And it’s completely free.
Just submit your name & email at the bottom of the page.
Please don’t underestimate the power of meditation to help heal you. Especially if you just escaped the Struggling phase.
If you’re in the Healing phase, or stuck in the Struggling phase, I have the perfect free Guided Meditation MP3 for you.
To receive it, submit your name & email below…