The 7 Most Important Relationship Lessons

#4

You’re about to read the next episode of Amy’s Story, Lesson 4.

Do you remember Lesson 5?

You Are ONLY Responsible for Making Yourself Happy.

In that episode, Amy sacrificed her happiness to make Carter happy…

She failed, of course.

Instead of rescuing him from boredom, she became — in his eyes — boring.

We all understand some sacrifice is necessary in relationships.

Lesson 5 taught you that you must not sacrifice your happiness to make your partner happy…

It’s a lose-lose game.

Lesson 4 will also warn you about foolish sacrifice.

But it’s different than Lesson 5.

As you’re about to see, the consequences are even greater…

Amy’s Story

Lesson 4

His eyes were so sad, it made you want to cry forever…

That’s what Amy remembers from the last time she saw her first love.

Not Carter.

There was someone else before him.

Someone who did the impossible…

Make her fall in love at first sight.

Yes. Even Carter failed to do that.

It was a super-human achievement…

But then, this first love — this love at first sight — wasn’t human…

Or even a robot…

No, not a dog…

He was a cat!

Had you told Amy as a child that her first love would be a cat, she’d smile at you and say, “You’re crazy!”

You see, she was crazy about dogs…

Couldn’t notice a kitten even if it was held in front of her face…

Until one day…

When she was 24—

A kitten was held in front of her face.

Amy couldn’t believe it.

This was no ordinary kitten.

This one was extraordinarily cute.

“I can see it on your face, Amy. You want Freckle.” That was her best friend Sarah.

Cupped in Sarah’s hands was the adorable ball of far apparently named Freckle.

His eyes were so big…

So happy…

So cute.

Amy couldn’t believe her eyes…

Want Freckle?

No.

She needed Freckle.

Never had she seen anybody or anything so cute.

“How much?” Amy was hypnotized.

Sarah laughed. “Told you already. He’s yours for free. No one else wants him.”

“I’ll—I’ll take him!”

As Amy took Freckle in her hands, she realized she was also taken by him.

From that moment, Freckle was hers. And she was his.

Even years after she last laid eyes on him, Amy would find his fur all over her apartment.

Under her rugs.

Around her sofa.

On her pajamas.

Inside her books.

Freckle’s fur would magically float out of pillows already washed dozens of times.

She was sure some of his fur was trapped in her skin pores.

Such was their inseparability…

By the time she fell in love with Carter, Freckle was no longer a kitten.

But he was still every bit as extraordinarily cute…

And she was still every bit in love with him.

When Carter agreed to move in with her, she was euphoric.

Two loves under one roof!

What more could she want?

The day before Carter moved in, they were eating out.

“I want the cat out before I move in.”

Amy choked on her soup. “Wait, what? Why?!”

“I don’t like her.”

Him. I thought you said you love him.”

“Yeah, I said a lot of things when we first started dating.” Carter chuckled.

“Are you serious? I can’t get rid of him!”

He sighed. “I was worried you’d say that.”

“Why worried? Wait — you won’t move in unless I get rid of Freckle?”

Get rid of Freckle.

Just saying those words made her feel like a traitor worthy of the death penalty.

“Listen, Amy. I hate pets. But you know what I hate even more?”

She stared at him…

Speechless…

Waiting…

“I hate women who worship cats. BIGGEST turnoff. I thought you didn’t really care about Furry or whatever his or her name is. Thought it was just another charity thing.” He grunted. “Clearly, I was wrong.”

“But—Carter—I can’t—”

“You’ll probably end up one of those creepy old women with a hundred cats. I can see it now. Disgusting. And you know what else?”

Amy waited for him to continue…

But she didn’t hear the rest…

Or doesn’t remember it…

From that point on, his words were a blur….

HOURS LATER

When Amy got home, she avoided eye contact with Freckle.

She couldn’t look at her first love…

The soon-to-be victim of her first betrayal.

She avoided all eye contact…

Until it was time to take one last look…

A goodbye…

His eyes were so sad, it made you want to cry forever…

That was the last time Amy saw Freckle.

YEARS LATER

7 months before Carter would leave Amy, he convinced her to leave her job.

Well, strictly speaking, it was a job.

But for Amy, it was much more than that…

She was the head of Everybody Smiles…

A non-profit she joined in its infancy…

An organization she sacrificed so much to raise.

Amy’s job was her passion.

It gave her purpose.

Pride.

Her job was the greatest source of her happiness…

The second love of her life…

Yet somehow…

Carter convinced Amy to leave it.

She doesn’t even remember exactly how. Something about “unattractive”.

It was all a blur…

“I was hypnotized, Debbie,” she’d later tell me during one of our sessions.

Something unexpected happened the day Amy quit her job.

The moment she walked out the door, she wasn’t thinking about the job she walked out on…

The staff she abandoned…

The responsibilities she gave up…

Amy was thinking about Freckle.

As she drove to her apartment, she didn’t see the road…

She saw Freckle.

A flash of memory…

Freckle.

Another flash…

Freckle.

Flash…flash…flash…

Freckle.

Through the evening, Amy sat in a trance on her sofa. Wearing pajamas. Feet on the rug. Lonely book next to her. Wet pillow resting on her lap.

Remembering Freckle.

Missing Freckle.

Once upon a time, Amy believed she and he would never separate.

Theirs was a relationship held by the unbreakable chain of love.

Forever secure.

But it was broken by her insecurity.

Carter stepped into the room.

Stopped.

Stared at Amy…

Walked up to her.

Snapped his fingers at her to snap her back to reality.

“Whatever happened to the Amy I met? Where’d she go?”

He grunted.

Walked out the room.

Her eyes were so sad, it made you want to cry forever…

Final Important Thoughts

Can you guess what Lesson 4 is?

Ready for it?

Always Be You and You’ll Always Win.

There’s a 99% chance you’ve heard the advice, “Be yourself”.

And there’s a 99% chance you ignored it during your relationship.

This is a tragic trap I see too many clients fall into.

Lesson 5 warned you not to sacrifice your happiness for your partner’s.

Now…

Lesson 4 warns you not to sacrifice your values or treasures because of your insecurities.

Insecurity drives people to make sacrifices they wouldn’t normally make…

They feel they need to mould themselves to remain or become more attractive to their partners.

Sometimes this works…

For a while…

Soon, though, you become intensely miserable…

You might start to feel crazy as your changing sense of self creates internal conflict…

You lose your essence…

Your soul…

In the end, your partner wonders what happened to you.

You were so afraid of turning off your partner…

And that’s exactly what you end up doing.

Another lose-lose situation.

Yes, sacrifice is necessary…

But you should only sacrifice on small life management stuff.

Never sacrifice your happiness.

Never sacrifice your values.

Never sacrifice your treasures.

Whether it’s your friends, parents, work, home, hobbies, country, children…

Or a beloved cat.

Real love requires you to stay who you are. And if it works, it works as a healthy partnership.

If your partner insists you must sacrifice even one of your values or treasures…

Don’t.

Instead…

Stand strong.

If your partner stands with you…

You win.

If your partner leaves…

You win.

Always be you and you’ll always win.

In 2 days, I’ll send you the next episode, Lesson 3.

It’s my personal favorite…

Stay Tuned!
Debbie Pask

PS
I recommend a crime drama movie called “Wind River”.

It has violence. So it might be a bit heavy.

But it’s a great movie about coming to peace with unimaginable loss.

In one touching scene, a father who lost a daughter gives advice to another father who also lost a daughter…

“If you shy from the pain of it, then you rob yourself of every memory of her, my friend.

Every one.

From her first step to her last smile.

You’ll kill ’em all.

Take the pain.

Take the pain, Martin.

It’s the only way to keep her with you…”

Whether you want to keep the good memories of your ex…

Or not…

It’s a powerful reminder that sometimes we must dig through pain to unbury joy…

(Please click or tap the smiley face on your screen.)


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